One of 'those' nights.

Mood music- 'Tonight's Gonna be a Good Night' by Black Eyed Peas.
  
Its one of those nights, when you are sitting alone by the window (because your computer table happens to be beside the window), early summer/late spring -ish cool wind blowing through your hair, you look at the doped mosquito thats buzzing around you and suddenly decide that you have to kill it, cause its your blood that it's  been sucking this whole time. 

Its one of those nights, when  you realise that the reason for all the sulking, that was going on for the past couple of days, was that you were living in denial . And as soon as you  realise that, life makes sense again.

Its one of those nights, when you give yourself a hard shake and download the software that got formatted off your pc a month back and without which, your work wasn't moving a millimeter further.

Its one of those nights, when you decide you won't be goin to college tomorrow because well, you haven't finished your work due to aforementioned due-download. And more so, because you just dont feel like it.

Its one of those nights, when you know you have spent the whole evening watching meaningless soaps and even the scam IPL match , just so that you dont have to think about the real things happening around you.

Its one of those nights, when you wish you were at Hogwarts or may be Camp half-blood and you could call up your 'normal' friends and say cheesy stuff like- "Anything is possible".

Its one of those nights, when you wonder what a normal, peaceful, uneventful life would feel like.

Its one of those nights, when you bravely put on your 'I-dont-give-a-damn' facade and try a lil too hard to make it seem true.
  
Its one of those nights, when you miss all the people who are / have been an integral part of you life. Yet you do not want to contact them and let them know.

Its one of those nights, when you don't want to sleep because you don't want to wake up to face tomorrow. And then, you realise that its 3 am. It already is tomorrow.

Its one of those nights, when you want to say so many things yet not want to say anything at all.



Its one of those nights, when you know your mom is going to be hospitalized tomorrow and that's the reason why you are doing / not doing said things and that you are probably, still in denial.  

March.

Honestly, I'm still scared of March.


Maybe its because we always had our Final exams in March at school and we used to get the report card also in March itself. It was a pretty scary month in those times.  Even though, I have exams in May (!) and December (!!) nowadays, I still get a weird feeling when someone says, "1st March".


Sometimes I think I've never moved on. Its been like five years and I'm still in my tenth standard classroom, sitting on the second bench with Abhu and  also, Tam n P, sitting behind us, Me and Sneha being 'tonga partners' apparently (dont look at me, i had nothing to do with the name, it was Sneha, only she knows why she called us that..and also, there was a third TP but i just cannot remember who she was. God, was it Abhu?), having lunch with my then best friend S, standing in the morning assembly (criticising everybody in general), thinking about leaving the school after studying there for twelve years.. yea, its all so fresh in my mind.


And at almost the end of the year, I had this really awful haircut, done at this *really* good place in Kolkata and it was so short and so yuck and so bad. Shit i remember crying for weeks about it. My real worry was that i would look terrible in a saree with short hair at my farewell in Feb. Sheesh. I was fifteen :|


So coming back to the point, March reminds me of school, of school bags, of the school gardens, of the Report-Card days (I was always a good student but on this day, I was always sure I would fail and would have to face the horror of repeating a year ), of anxiety and basically terror. Mostly, March reminds me of a strange ending (like April reminds me of a strange beginning but we dont have to talk about that now) to something important. I swear its not as cheeky as it sounds. Its weird though.


You know, sometimes I'm still that person I was in school. I was pretty different back then, mind you. I didn't know anything about anything. Seriously. I was a hardcore nerd. I still am actually. But only, now people don't get to see that side of me. Heh.*looks over her shoulder and smirks* (what? its funny when you actually do it ok. Sheesh. Use some imagination )


PS : My lil bro A has grown up n all (!). His 10th boards are starting from tomorrow (!!). Best of Luck ya :P  I hope you do well :P Matlab, no pressure, you just have my name to roshan and all :P

Best. Day. Ever.

Okay this is a new thing that I want to start writing about, on a regular basis. The best days of my life. Like THE best days. Like those days when I come home and cant stop smiling :)) So that when i'm all sad and frustu, i can remind myself that i had these days too.

So the first one of my Best Day Ever (BDE) is today ofcourse. Lets say worked hard and partied harder..wayy harder :P Had awesome fun in the evening.. college cultural fest and one over-the-top amazing party later that night which had awesome food and great people.. oh yea and we have case study submission tomoro so yea spent the whole day working for that.  So a great day definitely. Cannot give anymore details here *winks*

P.S. This weekend we had our college Cul-fest 'Xtasy' and it was awwwwwesum this year! yeay! :)) It totally rocked yesterday..Tam finally came to my college and she luved the fest too..Moh n her frnd A, were amazing anchors and a special mention for my dear M who danced lik he was a rockstar..no,actually, he is a rockstar :D

Shit i think yesterday was a BDE also. lol.

For all the BDE(s) to come.. Cheers!

Erm.. umm.. hmmm..

 Nowadays,

I'm always
confused
distracted
absentminded
clueless.

 And I don't know why.
 :/

Nice and Cozy. Almost.

Winter is almost gone. Almost.

This year, it was freakishly cold here. Like normally, winter is pleasant here, being near coastal area and all but this year, we all were lik- brrrrrrrrrrrrr! all the time. So that is almost over.

Also, January is almost coming to an end. Almost.
It was a weird month considering the extreme highs and lows. And as you can see, i've deciced to blog more frequently. I've realised  that i blog a lot when i'm emotional like happy or sad or excited or frustrated. heh. So more of that from now.

My mainDesign submission is almost over. Almost.
 Jury is still pending but still, I've submitted my portfolio i.e. all my sheets. Phew. Its the bestest feeling (no, dont you raise those eyebrows at me. I will use wrong grammar whenever i feel like. hmph.). So yes, it is the most amazing feeling in the world, when one submits the portfolio. Its like nothing in the universe is more important to you than that portfolio. Something that you've created from scratch. Its such a proud moment, the submission.
 And when the jury rips off your design, pointing out gazillion mistakes,doing a complete post mortem, you seriously think about giving supari or better yet, finishing them off yourself.
Sigh. I tend to get aggresive about my work sometimes :|

Sixth sem has almost started. Almost.
As in first day was good. Second day was today and we kinda didnt have any classes so heh.
This time most of my classes are being taken by the wD proffessor that i mentioned earlier. So I'm like super happy and shit scared at the same time. (hehe)
And by the way, he told me yesterday... umm lets call him D (what? why are you giving me that suspicious look? There's no story behind the name 'D' .*wicked smile* Or maybe there is *more wicked smiles continue*).
Ok so D told me that I got the highest marks in his subject last semester and I was like *Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee* on the inside and *shy demure smile* on the outside. lol.
Really, I'm on top of the world right now, with D praising me in front of the whole class and mD submission being over. I even went out shopping so as to celebrate the occasion. :P

For now, its nice and cozy and almost peaceful. Shit, this is so unlike my usual life. Lol.

Moving On.

The worst thing about time is that it stops for none. And that, is the best thing about it .
And time is the greatest healer.
So here i am, looking for a fresh start. So far, things have been a lil bleak. Many unfortunate incidents have happened in the last thirteen days. But, life doesn't stop either, does it?
M is fine now, much better. He has been very brave throughout the whole ordeal and i'm so proud of him. We are trying to move on. Really.
Some good news by the way. My exams have finally gotten over. God, they were on for like ages!
I couldn't meet so many people who had come to town during the vacations because i was having these stupid exams :( sorry :(
However, my submissions arent over yet. As in, they should have been over a long time back but seriously this is the toughest thing that i have ever done. Our 'Main Design' (mD) this semester is like a city centre kinda thing with an Auditorium and Cinema hall. Sigh. Seriously, toughest mD everrrrr!
I mean, i was told 'Working Drawing' (wD) was the scariest subject but no.. thats not true.. Yea, wD does take a LOT of hard work, i agree. I've had to repeat a particular sheet five times (not a joke) but atleast it was approachable and achieveable. And i'm kinda scared of the wD professor too. hehe. Not in a bad way though. Yea, i dont think 'scared' is the right word. I'm so in awe of him actually. He's like this super sharp scorpio and he's so good at what he does and i admire him so much and i dont want to let him down n all (same sunsign and stuff :P ) and thats probably why i get nervous around him. I think he knows i'm not dumb but i guess he is still trying to figure out why i act like an idiot when he's around. :|
Trust me, thats what i want to find out too.
So yes, inspite of all this, wD submissions got over way back in december and mD submissions are no where near completion. I think we have our sixth sem registrations from next week. I have no idea how and when i shall finish my mD submissions. *reads the previous line again and starts sulking*
Arrgghh.. I've studied so hard this semester. I want a break. I want a holiday. I want to have fun (without feeling guilty this time). I want to shop. I want to read the books (that are kept on that shelf, books that i've bought sucha long time back but havent had the good fortune of reading them yet. Inner Nerd says 'hi' to everyone.).I want out.
*sheepish grin*
I want fifth semester to end. I want sixth semester to start.

Now and Forever.

It was a happy new year. Infact I had a feeling that something good was going to happen this year. It did'nt. Infact, I dont think I've ever been this sad.

Sometimes, we take life for granted, we take people for granted,we take ourselves for granted. We shouldn't.
Sometimes, we dont realise what someone means to us.
Sometimes, that someone's grief makes you cry all night long.

Its easy to believe in the word 'forever'. Nothing and no one lasts forever. So, if you think that you've taken something or someone for granted, if you think that they will be with you forever, think again.

My friend M's younger sister died in an accident yesterday. She meant the world to him.

All is not well.

Awesomeness.

As you might have (probably) guessed by now, I'm (still) obsessed with Barney (obviously) and his Awesomeness.
For the uninitiated, Barney is Barney Stinson. I refuse to give any more details. Go google it yourself.

But lately, i've realised i'm having some OCD-type symptoms . I mean i'm obsessed with my new phone (hehehhhhahah), i'm obsessed with 5-star, I'm obsessed with Facebook, I'm so obsessed with Farmville on fb, I'm obsessed with my new phone (oh shit did i mention it already?), I'm obsessed about gaining weight... God, i can go on n on n on about this. Seriously, I think i'm losing it. Or maybe not.

By the way, i'd gone to Ranchi in the first week of October for Zonasa'09 at BIT Mesra. Yeah, maybe i should explain that. ZONASA is the Zonal Assosiation Of Students of Architecture, and there is this annual fest which is awesome. There are like six such zones in India. My college is in the eastern zone. So there are like nine colleges here- CETb, IITkgp, ABIT, JU, GCA, BESU, NIT Patna, AUCE and BIT Mesra. So like every year we go and have the most awesome time ever at these fests. In my First year, it was held at AUCE Vizag, then in Second year at JU Kolkata and this year at BIT Mesra. It was great, we came second n all. Ok enough Zonasa details for one post. Don't want to bore you :P

So anyway, my trip was great. I mean it was a complete chaotic madhouse kinda great but yea great. We were supposed to come back via train to rkl and then bus journey from rkl to bbsr. But as we reached rkl , we were told that our buses got cancelled because of a strike and so we had no where to go. There we were, in an unknown city, at the platform, at 10 pm, 60 students, loads of luggage, very tired after six days of madness, with no where to go. People told us the bus strike wont be called off for about three more days. And there was no chance of getting train tickets either. It was one of those nights of my life that i will never ever forget. Finally after hours of waiting, all of us went to some roadside hotel to u kno, just chupao our heads for the remaining few hours of the night. It was completely 'Hotel Decent'* types. Can't talk much about that night though. The most memorable moments are unmentionable here.Night was weird. Morning was weirder. We just had to get back somehow (Parents had started freaking out now). So we blocked this General compartment of this 'only train' that goes to bbsr. Travelled the whole day. Had a complete Swades moment. Finally reached back in one piece.

And among other stuff, its finally happened. I'm 20. I'm now officially no more a teenager. When i say this, i get a lotta "Everybody-goes-through-this" stuff. Hmmmm..very nice. I dont care about what everybody goes through. When other people used to turn 20, I used to call them up and laugh for atleast 10 minutes non-stop and then list out the changes that occur when one crosses over from 19 to 20. Yes, 'one small step for man but a giant leap for you' type speeches. Turns out, i gave this speech to too many people who didnt think twice before returning the favor to me. Lol.. so i had like a zillion people say the same things a zillion times that day. Even my kid brother wrote an elaborate card listing out how I should act like a sane person now. Ok fine, so now i'm old. hmph. Only age-wise. I still choose to act like a five-year old. hmph. You grow up. :|

And one more thing. Why, oh why, is it such a crime to be single in this world today?!
Another convo that I had like a million times on my budday-
Birthday Wisher- Heyy Happy birthday!
Me- Heyy thanks!
B.W.- So what did you get for this bday?
Me- Oh i got a pho-
B.W.- (Not waiting for my answer) Yea wateva, what did your boyfriend get you?
Me- haha..I'm single yaar.. so this phon-
B.W.-Yea right, so what did he get you?
Me- nothin..i dont-
B.W.- Fine, dont tell me. hmph.
Me- ..............

Everytime I say i'm single, firstly, nobody believes me, then , when they do, they have such a wide-eyed expression on their faces i feel like tapping their heads to test whether their eyes can actually pop out or not. What is your problem, seriously.

Anyway, this is quite a long post and if u've actually read this till here, you really are as jobless as me are'nt u??

'Till next time
:P


*- If u've seen 'Jab We Met', you'll know.

It has to stop.

I’ve always believed that ‘Good things happen to good people’ and that ‘Bad things happen to bad people’. So accordingly, if bad things start happening to you, that means, you are a stupid bad person(hence proved) .

It seems I am a very bad person. Or maybe, I’ve done bad things, mean things due which I’m getting the punishment that I apparently deserve.

Now you’ll ask me why am I so frustrated with life and more importantly why am I making you read it? The answer is because I don’t care. I don’t care about what’s right and what’s wrong, what I’m doing and what I should be doing, what I want and what I get. But don’t you worry, most of the things that are frustrating me right now can’t be blogged about because of the new-found ‘popularity’ of my blog.

The one little thing that I can say, is that my phone got stolen today. I missed it for like three minutes and wham! Some loser, some idiot girl who shops at pantaloons, has enough money to buy a one thousand rupee shirt (meaning she was NOT some food-deprived abused human who deserved my phone more than me), couldn’t resist to grab the phone and flee. You wait, she’ll get what she deserves. Sooner than she can even imagine.

Among the unspeakable things, lets just say ‘friendship’ is highly overrated. And ‘hard work’ is also extremely overrated and meaningless and it almost never pays. And that comfortable and numb cant be used in the same sentence without a ‘not’.

So here’s a final goodbye to my dear phone.It stood by me at all times, it was there whenever I needed someone, it was my bridge to the world. It was a very very special phone, bought on a very special day, for a very special reason. It meant a lot to me. But like I’ve survived these last few days, losing so much else, I guess I’ll have to survive losing you too.

Really?

Sometimes,I look back at the last few years of my life, and wonder what went wrong. The place where I am today, I never expected to be here. To tell you the truth, I did not even expect to be the person, I am now.
I expected much less.
Maybe that's the reason why I'm happy :)

By the way, I'm going through the whole I-think-I'm-gonna-block-this-blog phase. Believe it or not, this blog suddenly has too many readers (read lurkers)and I'm not sure I'm very comfortable with that.
You know, I’ve always read other blogs, where the bloggers acknowledge these secret readers of theirs. I never felt the need because I thought I didn’t have any readers apart from those who had been coaxed by me to read :P

However, recently, I’ve sort of abandoned giving my blog undue publicity *ahem* . And rather recently so many people have told me that they know stuff because they’ve read my blog and I’m like- “You read my blog?! But u never comment? I had no idea that u do”..
Like the time when I heard that this senior of mine who I’ve never spoken to properly(hell, I didn’t know he even knew my name) recommended my blog to a friend of mine and when she told me I was like- Waaat? Really? He knows me then? From where did he get the link?? But he never ever even acknowledges me when we cross each other.
So anyway, the point is, its flattering that people keep a tab on the blog and all but sometimes it really freaks me out. I mean hello, I don’t even know this person properly and he know SO much about me. I used to think that my Statcounter was counting wrong numbers but it seems its not.
Many times I think I should block this blog or remove its link from places.. I don’t know.. I write about my life and I’m not too ambiguous about it either. I’m not an anonymous blogger, I use my real name.If u know me and my friends, you’ll know exactly who or what I’m talking about. That’s what I write about. Me. My friends. My life.
So is it ok to share it with absolute strangers? And specially strangers, who don’t want to share their opinion or even say a ‘hi’ maybe? Strangers, who are so much interested in your life but you have no clue whatsoever about their intentions? Its a lil too spooky, dont u think??


Not just spooky, its downright scary .
But then, I guess this is a question every blogger faces and yet we keep on blogging. Because it feels so good.

So lets just say, if u happen to drop by n the link to this blog doesn’t work.. Maybe I’ve changed my answer about the aforementioned question.
And to my silent readers, it never hurts to say hello, does it?