Wednesday, March 17, 2010

One of 'those' nights.

Mood music- 'Tonight's Gonna be a Good Night' by Black Eyed Peas.
Its one of those nights, when you are sitting alone by the window (because your computer table happens to be beside the window), early summer/late spring -ish cool wind blowing through your hair, you look at the doped mosquito thats buzzing around you and suddenly decide that you have to kill it, cause its your blood that it's  been sucking this whole time. 

Its one of those nights, when  you realise that the reason for all the sulking, that was going on for the past couple of days, was that you were living in denial . And as soon as you  realise that, life makes sense again.

Its one of those nights, when you give yourself a hard shake and download the software that got formatted off your pc a month back and without which, your work wasn't moving a millimeter further.

Its one of those nights, when you decide you won't be goin to college tomorrow because well, you haven't finished your work due to aforementioned due-download. And more so, because you just dont feel like it.

Its one of those nights, when you know you have spent the whole evening watching meaningless soaps and even the scam IPL match , just so that you dont have to think about the real things happening around you.

Its one of those nights, when you wish you were at Hogwarts or may be Camp half-blood and you could call up your 'normal' friends and say cheesy stuff like- "Anything is possible".

Its one of those nights, when you wonder what a normal, peaceful, uneventful life would feel like.

Its one of those nights, when you bravely put on your 'I-dont-give-a-damn' facade and try a lil too hard to make it seem true.
Its one of those nights, when you miss all the people who are / have been an integral part of you life. Yet you do not want to contact them and let them know.

Its one of those nights, when you don't want to sleep because you don't want to wake up to face tomorrow. And then, you realise that its 3 am. It already is tomorrow.

Its one of those nights, when you want to say so many things yet not want to say anything at all.

Its one of those nights, when you know your mom is going to be hospitalized tomorrow and that's the reason why you are doing / not doing said things and that you are probably, still in denial.  

Thursday, March 04, 2010


Honestly, I'm still scared of March.

Maybe its because we always had our Final exams in March at school and we used to get the report card also in March itself. It was a pretty scary month in those times.  Even though, I have exams in May (!) and December (!!) nowadays, I still get a weird feeling when someone says, "1st March".

Sometimes I think I've never moved on. Its been like five years and I'm still in my tenth standard classroom, sitting on the second bench with Abhu and  also, Tam n P, sitting behind us, Me and Sneha being 'tonga partners' apparently (dont look at me, i had nothing to do with the name, it was Sneha, only she knows why she called us that..and also, there was a third TP but i just cannot remember who she was. God, was it Abhu?), having lunch with my then best friend S, standing in the morning assembly (criticising everybody in general), thinking about leaving the school after studying there for twelve years.. yea, its all so fresh in my mind.

And at almost the end of the year, I had this really awful haircut, done at this *really* good place in Kolkata and it was so short and so yuck and so bad. Shit i remember crying for weeks about it. My real worry was that i would look terrible in a saree with short hair at my farewell in Feb. Sheesh. I was fifteen :|

So coming back to the point, March reminds me of school, of school bags, of the school gardens, of the Report-Card days (I was always a good student but on this day, I was always sure I would fail and would have to face the horror of repeating a year ), of anxiety and basically terror. Mostly, March reminds me of a strange ending (like April reminds me of a strange beginning but we dont have to talk about that now) to something important. I swear its not as cheeky as it sounds. Its weird though.

You know, sometimes I'm still that person I was in school. I was pretty different back then, mind you. I didn't know anything about anything. Seriously. I was a hardcore nerd. I still am actually. But only, now people don't get to see that side of me. Heh.*looks over her shoulder and smirks* (what? its funny when you actually do it ok. Sheesh. Use some imagination )

PS : My lil bro A has grown up n all (!). His 10th boards are starting from tomorrow (!!). Best of Luck ya :P  I hope you do well :P Matlab, no pressure, you just have my name to roshan and all :P