Mushy and Wonderful.

Something that I've wanted for a long time has happened and I'm sooooooooooooooooooo happy. I feel giddy and gooey and mushy and so very happy. Dont know how long this will last but oh-my-god I feel like I'm sitting on a super-fast roller coaster ride and I cant get it to stop. I'm so scared. But in a good way. A very good way.

That Doe-Eyed Intruder.

This is the Annual Story Telling post. Missed it last year but will make it up this year, promise :)

Once upon a time, there was a girl. Yes, thats pretty much all about her. That she was a girl. It wasn't something she chose, it wasnt something she could have wanted, it was just something that was thrust upon her even before she was born. That she was to be a girl. Not just a human or a person, a "girl".

The moment she was born, her mother was disappointed with herself. She could not give birth to a boy at the first shot, could she? She was a fine young lady, her mother. But sometimes, age-old expectations are just too hard to ignore and the truth is too difficult to accept.Then, the new born's family members were heard sharing the news like "Oh. Its a girl." not "OH ITS A GIRL!!!". They kept on repeating this to evrybody in the exact same way.

Everybody cringed a little when they heard the news. They were all nice people, very 20th-century-modern ones, not some horrid backward clan. But even then, this was their first natural reaction.They could not help it. Of course, later on her parents loved her to death and she was the apple of everybody's eyes when she grew up. But a little part inside the girl died every time she heard the story. The story of everybody being disappointed in her even before she had opened her eyes and looked around.

She grew up to hate the fact that she wasn't wanted by anybody. She knew she meant a lot to everybody around her but she could never fully understand why she would feel so empty when she thought of how her little brother was treated like a God's gift when he was born, years later. She loved him very much but she could never forgive him for being the answer to everybody's prayers.

She grew up to learn that men and women were equal and now women walk shoulder to shoulder with men in all aspects of life. Then she joined college and that notion was obviously shattered. She looked around and saw what she meant to the people-of-the-other-gender. Her sense of justice could not forgive the Almighty Creator for doing what he did to her kind. He was obviously a "he", that's for sure.

She was sympathetic to all the baby girls that were born and got the same reaction. She looked helplessly at the "cringe" every time and thought about how the story kept on repeating itself over and over again. She could do nothing to change it. They were well-educated and broad minded people, yet that first cringe could never be avoided. She had to learn to live with it.

She was happy in her own little world, where all these trivial things never mattered. There were times and there were people who made her feel much above such things. She was happy in her home, where everybody loved her and made her feel like she mattered.But as soon as she stepped out, out of her comfort zone, out of her house, she felt like an intruder. An intruder in the Man's world. Not once, not twice, every freaking time.

                               

Weirdness.

So, a warning to the reader of this post. Its one of those weird nights when everything is perfect yet everything is incomplete. Do NOT read further if you're not a fan of melodrama. There. Dont say I didn't warn you.

There are many nights like this one. The weather is absolutely perfect. Everything around me seems to be okay. I'm not in a hurry to do anything. No pending assignments (none that I want to do right now anyway), no pending phone calls or messages to return, basically for tonight, I can just chill. If only this weird feeling would away. Like  there's something that I should be doing or someone that I should be calling. I dont know, its a weird omg-omg-omg feeling. Like a phone-trying-to-find-a-network feeling. You know, the 'searching' and 'still searching' sign on your phone when you travel very fast or through an unknown territory, the uncertainty of it. Like if I open the window, something will fly in. Or I may fall out. But that's really weird because none of these two are even remotely possible. I wish I could explain this racing pulse or the weird tingling sensation all over. Or the feeling of not being alone in an empty room.
Basically its like missing something that you never really had.

Maybe I should just go to sleep.

Of the Wrong Decade.

 So I finally figured it out. I should have been around 60 right now. That would have made me happy.I would have fallen in love and lived happily ever after.
Confused? Disgusted? Bleh chill. I just want to say that I wish I was twenty-one in the 70s. You know, the classic 70s. People were so chill that time. Like seriously. Everything was so simple. Love was so cute then. It wasn't as messy as it is today. Or maybe it was but I'll never know that, will I?
Basically 'love' is the only reason of today's post. Ok there maybe one more teeny tiny guilt trip of not having posted even once last month. Heee. 


 I see people around me, falling in love so soon and then falling out of "love" sooner. They boast about the many relationships and conquests, they tell me stories of manipulations and strategic moves that help them, they crib about not finding true love. I feel like a stagnant bystander who can see and hear everything but cant really do anything. Maybe I'm commitment phobic or maybe, I was just born in the wrong decade.

You may say, its just a case of the grapes being sour but dont get me wrong, all i'm saying is that I would have liked to fall in love the way they did in the 70s. Or atleast in the movies of the 70s.
Like think about this movie---->

 Have you seen it? It was a 1975 film and one of my most favourite films. I mean isn't the goofy Amol Palekar so adorable? The way the girl misses him when he disappears is just so adorable :)

Or even this movie---->

Like simple teacher falls in love with simple girl in this 1972 flick. No Sheila or Munni type people involved whatsoever.

Or maybe---->

Things were so cute in this one. School girl falls for actor, actor helps actual real-life hero (ok still reel-life though) to woo the girl. Like totally "aww" types. Plus its a 1971 movie.

Sometimes even this works----->

Randomly funny this love story was. Complicated for 1979 but not the 'omg-i-love-a-terrorist-he-kills-people-just-for-kicks-but-oh-he's-so-darn-cute' kind films of today :/

Even post-wedding love was fun---->

Lol Dharmendra was soooo good looking and  funny in 1975. Now he just makes me want to change the channel asap.

And finally this ----->

I think it was a very well made and well thought-of love story. Things dont always happen the way they should. Sad movie but ilikes! (in 1973!)

So now you see, I like old movies. They help me believe that such kind of people and love stories did exist. They tell me that at one time, things were simpler, people were less complicated. Atleast some of them were. People who didn't really take you at face value, people for whom life wasn't a never-ending party, people who knew what mattered, people who had reasons to smile without feeling guilty.

I'd like to believe that some of them still exist. Like I do.