Current Interest.

Its weird when you want something so much, you don't really know why you want it but you really really do, and you're surprised at how much you want it . You know how irrelevant it will be, after a short while of time but still, just for the heck, you want it to happen. You cant understand how something that hadn't existed a few weeks ago is now the center of all your thoughts and how it is already becoming an obsession. Even if it doesn't feel completely right, even if it feels completely wrong to want it, even if you feel sometimes that it doesn't matter at all, you still bloody cant get it out of your head. Maybe you just need something to hold on to, so as to overshadow other things. Or maybe you just need a hobby.

Just so that we're clear, I'm not neurotic. Not yet atleast.

Private Party

Yes, finally it has happened.. this blog is now only visible to Invited-readers only. Sad but true. Since it will now probably have important stories about important people, its not very safe so have anonymous creepy people read it now and then. I know this means i'll lose my precious lurkers and secret admirers (:P) but this is important now. Hopefully some lurkers will come out and say hi now :)

First Day, First Show.

I've read many "My first day at blah blah" stuff and I didn't really relate to most of it. My first days at most places have been dull. Until now.

Lets rewind a little to 25th June when I was initially supposed to leave for Amd, and join on 27th. That was my plan. But as we all know, God works in mysterious ways and due to my brother's sudden illness, I couldn't go. So I was to go on 30th June. Fine. New plan. New excitement. 

On 30th, as I reached the airport in the afternoon, I was excited and a lil bit sad because i was leaving my city. Little did I know, my city was sad about leaving me too. So suddenly, it started raining like mad and my flight was delayed by three hours. Three. Freaking. Hours. Now don't get all judgmental and oh-just-three-hours-I've-been-through-worse on me. You see, my first flight, from Bhubaneswar to Bombay was delayed for 3 hours. My next flight from Bombay to Ahmedabad was still on time. So I was stuck, in my own city, waiting to be stuck in the next one. :/

Finally, after what seemed like ages, we reached Bombay. The Bombay Airport is so fab. Its pretty and chic and just very nice. So again, a four hour wait for the next flight to my New City. By the time, I actually reached Gujju-land, I couldn't even keep my eyes open to look around and check it out. 

So the next day, my mom woke me up (after like four hours of sleep) at 7 and I was like, screw the training man, I want to go home and sleep. But then I had to wake up coz there was definitely something wrong with my mom. She looked pale and was showing signs of pain. Not cool. After a while, we figured out that her disease was acting up and showing some weird symptoms and after an hour or so, she was crying out in pain. I was supposed to report at 9.30 but hello? There was something wrong with my mom. I was prepared to not join that day at all and go on 4th. Anyway, things worsened and we had to go to the Emergency Room immediately. At the hospital, after initial action, mom started feeling a lil better so they decided that Dad should drop me at office then. I was very shaken up, a lil teary and quite blank. Basically I had already had some tough one-on-one conversations with God throughout the morning. You know, stuff like, hello-how-much-pain-will-you-make-her-go-through, why-are-you-doing-this-to-her, can-you-ever-let-me-be-truly-happy type conversations. 

So anyway, i stepped into the office and it was unlike any office that i'd been to. It weird (albeit nice) sculpture-type things in the reception, the receptionist didn't know which date it was, there were all sorts of people in and about the lobby area. Finally we met this Senior Manager something who consulted our Senior Co-ordinater on phone and told me that i was supposed to be in XYZ's studio and i was to be shown where it was. Said a hurried bye to dad and then took the lift to the 7th floor. 

My studio is in the 7th floor. It doesn't have any jazzy name like the others "Planning studio/Urban Design studio" but it has one head. He's nice. He was all handshake-y, crisp welcome-y types. I was shown to my system and was told to sit. For some time I just hung around, acting all busy and intellectual. Then I just got plain bored. I was on the verge of recapitulating the events since morning when XYZ called me to his desk and started asking questions. He was quite nice about it. A little strict but nice. He told me that there will be a lot of ups and downs from now but I would have to keep the main objective clear, that I have come here to learn and should do that as a priority. He also told me to take five days to get to know the system and that I'll soon be okay here. I'd like to believe him. 

I just wanted time to fly so that i could meet mom and dad at lunch time. I wanted to know how my mom was doing. Although both of them had sent me messages telling me that all was good, (mom's message said "I am fine.") But still i had to see for myself. So i lunch time i asked my immediate boss, WXY  to go and he was like yea ok.So i went to our hotel, mom was better so i was relieved. 

I didn't want to go back after lunch. I mean I loved the office and the people were great and the work seemed to be just too cool (my studio people are working on an extremely high profile confidential government project that I'm not supposed to talk about) but I just didn't want to leave mom and i also wanted to sleep. Too much stress was happening. Plus I hadn't even met my  Senior Training Co-ordinator  (STC) yet. 

So i went after the one-hour lunch break and things seemed better as soon as i walked in the second time. I was a lil familiar with things and the people and the place already felt like I had been here since a long time. Finally STC came and he showed me around, I many of my co-trainees with him, we went to his office on the "H" Floor (Thats the main boss's floor, his name starts with 'H'. Fancy huh?). And he asked he questions that I had wanted to be asked the moment i landed here. Why here? Why Amd? Why 'H' Firm? etc etc.

 After quite a bit of chatting, I left his office and got into the lift to go to my studio. In the lift I met another co-trainee,A, who had gone for a survey and just returned. She was quite nice and we went to the "deck" that I had heard about so much.

The Deck is a balcony type thingy next to the conference room on the 7th floor. Its the place where everybody comes out to chill when you're feeling stressed, lonely, thoughtful etc. The most special thing about the deck is that its right next to the Sarbarmati River. As in, my whole office is next to the river but you can  stand on the deck and just look at the whole river and feel so very awesome. It was great.

I returned to my studio and found M working still working hard. M is another co-trainee and he's in my studio only. He's in 7th sem and has already finished 15 days of training. Everybody was making him do errands and just work hard. He seems nice and helpful. He told me that we had a training session in the evening after work and so I sent a text to my dad saying that I'll return at 8. 

At 6.30 in the evening I went to A's studio so that we could go to the conference room together. So she and the others wrapped up their work and we went to the conference room for a presentation. The presentation was by a senior architect at our firm, K sir, about one of his projects. He looked so young but told us that he'd been with the firm for 17 years. Dude, he was too good-looking to be so old. His presentation was quite cool, so was his project and so was he.

Every Architect at this firm is very cool. They're very talented people with zero attitude. I like the people here.They're very detail oriented and systematic. I love that fact. The infra is great and so is the work atmosphere. I'm a lil freaked out still. I've not been given any work yet but from Monday I'm sure I'll be given some work so I dont know how much I can cope up with everything.

Also, after work, we went PG scouting at night. There were basically three place. First place is right next to the office. Its where R di stays. I met her at the deck yesterday. She 's very nice but the room isnt. Its a lil broken and dingy types but still, its so close to office and other things are ok over there. Next place is a hostel where A stays. Its very very nice but is also unavailable. The owner said she'll tell us by this evening if she can do something and maybe, just maybe i'll get it after 10 days or something. Mom and Dad are leaving day after tomorrow so that means I'll have to be put up some where temporarily for some days. The third place was good but a lil far so I rejected that. Lets just hope I get the hostel thingy and I get it soon. 

So now, I work in an office and am going to live by myself in a new city. Dude. It almost seems like I've grown up.

I Know Who You Are.

Me : *a lil nervous* Hello, Good Afternoon sir.

Him : *neutral tone* Hello

Me: * Ok here goes* Sir, My name is Tejal blah blah . I'm one of the trainees at your Summer Intern-ship 2011 programme blah blah blah blah. More blah blah blah.

Him : *half amused, half smiling* I know who you are.

Me : * Flabbergasted*
         *Gulps*
         Umm I had sent you a mail sir, that there would be some delay in my joining date. *erm*

Him :  *Matter-of-factly* Yeah I think so. Yes.

Me : Oh you got it then. I was just calling to confirm. So I'll join on 1st July sir.*still flustered*

Him : *Calculative smile* (yes, you can make out different kinds of smiles over phone. At-least, that's what I think :/ )
         Yeah okay. No problem. Come on Friday.
         *Amused smile*


Sigh. Excerpts from my first phone conversation with my Senior Training Co-ordinator.

Not so soon.

So you thought I'd be gone by now. Haha. That's what I thought too. I was supposed to leave on the 25th but the day before that my brother decided to fall very ill with Jaundice and hence my mom and dad  couldn't possibly leave him suddenly so my trip was postponed for five days. All the tickets were re-scheduled and just like that, I wasn't going the next day.

Sometimes we think that we know what's going to happen, that we can plan ahead, decide our own fate but we fail to realise, the reins of life are just not ours to control. Like I've mentioned previously, I dont doubt the existence of a super-power, I just dont understand his ways.

So here's to expecting nothing and always being brave enough to let anything and everything go wrong. After all, In Murphy, We Trust :)

About Me.

Can you define yourself? Look at the extreme left upper corner of this blog and you'll find that I can't. There's no 'About Me' description there. Because I don't really think I know how to define myself yet. Of-course that's kinda lame because I know 'me' for the past 21 years and its quite peculiar to have known someone for so long and not know well enough about that person. But its true. I can't say that I'm this and I'm not that. Not yet. I may be this and that. Infact, due to this, I keep wondering as to how I'll introduce myself to people that I'll meet in about 10 days.

Should I be like- "Hello, My name is Tejal. I'm 21. Scorpio. No nonsense types. Also, a little weird and extremely random."

So, like I said, I'm leaving in 10 days.I dont really know how I'll react to things there.I mean I hope I'll be positive and happy and try to adjust etc etc but I cant really say anything for sure. Going and living in a new city all by myself is a risky step and I guess that's the charm of it. I really want to explore new things but mostly importantly I want to explore myself, how I'll react to the new things, leaving behind the cosy comfort of a protected life at home.

I don't know what exactly I want them to think of me. 'Them' being the completely new people that I'm going to work with and stay with for the next six months. I mean of-course, I'll "be myself" but its very difficult to do that, you know. Especially because I think I have many versions of me and that too,quite drastic ones. 

Sometimes I'm this docile, timid creature and sometimes I'm this extrovert, enthusiastic person.I also have this constant need to organize things.Yet my room is always messy. Like always. I love details. I practically plan everything to the very last detail and I'm so careful and concerned about everything. I mean, for once I'd like to see what being impulsive would feel like, what carefree-ness, happy-go-lucky-ness would feel like. Because I'm the opposite of impulsive and everything rash. I have this master plan for life and things that I'm doing just are means to get to the goal. So everything is complicated. But now, I don't want that any more. I want things to be simple. To live in the moment. But I'm not sure I can do that. In fact I don't even know how to do that.

In a way, I think I can relate to Monica. I have this obsession to be organized, to make plans, to make lists, to work things out before-hand, to categorise, to synchronise and to co-ordinate. Also, I'm bossy and "freakishly strong". I'm not that much of a neat-freak but then I stare hard at people who litter and my friends are tired of finding dustbins to throw their chocolate-wrappers in. Excuse me, but how can we keep the whole freaking Earth clean if we keep throwing stuff here and there and live amongst trash? I mean, hello? How hard is it, to throw garbage in a bin and not on the road or a side-walk? Anyway, so that's an irritating habit of mine. I also like to tell people what to do and mostly I'm right about it too. Sigh. I have OCD, dont I? 

But I'm also a a wee bit like Phoebe. I'm a lil strange, neurotic and can sing random songs at any given time and/or place! I'm high on life and have a flair for the melodrama. Hmm.

I read somewhere that if you're a non-smoker, a non-drinker and a vegetarian then you hardly have a life. Is that how people define fun? Then I'm totally boring. Lol. No drunken fiascos to boast about. I also happen to love my lungs a lot. And I'd rather not eat anything that was walking and talking a few hours ago. Thank you very much :/

I'm also, much to people's surprise (hmph), single. I think I've written enough about my single-hood and how I like it this way and the fact that I'm okay with it. Its not like the end of road, you know. Apparently, nowadays if you're single, some thing is wrong with you.Sigh. I'm perfectly fine and awesome. Thanks for the concern *rolls her eyes*.

So there you go. That was a LOT "about me". Now how am I supposed to fit in all this and more in a tiny little space and then expect you to know me?

. 

All Talk.

Everywhere you go, everything you see, its all talk. Just talk. I write this, typing away to glory, near my window, alone, but in reality, all I'm doing is talking, to you. You meet somebody, anybody and all you want to do, is talk.  
Ever thought about how much you talk to yourself? Everything we do, atleast everything I do, is about what our mind tells us to do. Literally.
Smiles talk.
Tears talk.
Actions talk.
Eyes talk.
Moments talk.
Sometimes everybody talks, all at once, but you dont want to listen. You want to shut it all out. Cause the voice that you actually want to hear, is always silent.

The Warrior Princess.

Dear Baby Xena,

First of all, I would like to welcome you to this world. Its a crazy crazy place but I'm sure you'll like it here. I'm sorry I'm a lil late in the welcoming bit but its only because I didn't know about you until recently. So obviously I'm very excited and thrilled to have you among us. "Us" being your virtual well-wishers and basically your mom's virtual gang of drunken folks. We're high on life, mind you. By the way, drinking is a very bad thing, Xena *ahem*.

So what's up with you,eh? I hear you've been really active during your stay in the hospital. Giving those doctors and nurses a run for their money. Good job girl. Somebody has to make those people sit up and think a little. I mean what's the fun in being the regular boring case, right? I like you already, we'd make an awesome team. By the way, causing trouble is a very bad thing, Xena *ahem*.

But you know what? Be a lil easy on Mom and Dad ok. 'Cause they're basically nice people, you know. Your mom might occasionally be a lil bollywood-crazy and you might not find some of your dad's jokes ..er.. funny, but they're two of my very favourite people. Infact, I was the President of your dad's Fan club. Bleh, who am I kidding? I still am. So y'know, let them chill once in a while. And if they don't listen to you, tell me, we'll irritate them together. By the way, annoying your folks is a very bad thing, Xena * ahem*.

So there's this new SRK movie releasing soon. SRK is a superhero in it and its releasing on MY birthday!! Yeay! I realllllly want to watch it. You do too, dont you? See, I told you we have a lot in common. I think we should get Aish on our team too *muahahahahah*. We'll meet when you come to visit your naana and naani ok. We'll discuss our plans then. By the way, plotting conspiring planning is a very bad thing, Xena *ahem*.

Xena. I know that the times have been tough but I also know that you have been tougher. I think that you are very brave and so are your parents. Your mom has always been an inspiration to me and she'll always take care of you. Do take care of her too. And you should also know, you are very very lucky and that you are and always will be, absolutely adored by us.

Lots of Love,

President Maasi (a.k.a Choti Maasi)

This Instant.

If there was a term for people with sudden outbursts and instant (and drastic) mood swings, I would be called that. It wasn't so earlier but now, for quite some time actually, I keep alternating between 'Hyper-Happy' and 'Hyper-Annoyed' modes. Notice the 'hyper' phase in both though. One minute I'm smiling, next minute I want to hit somebody. Maybe its because I face extreme happiness and extreme difficulties back-to-back or maybe, you know, just maybe, I'm going crazy bit by bit. Hmph. Whatever it is, I dont like it. Grrr. I wish I wouldn't get affected by my surroundings so much. Lol. I should start meditation and crap.

So anyway, countdown has begun. Leaving for Ahmedabad in exactly a month.

Breathe In and Breathe Out. In Slo-Mo.

Off-White

So I noticed that my blog has been pretty gloomy for quite some time. Not only is that very uncool but very wrong too. And life's never dull, is it? So many things happening all around. New, exciting things.

 Also, time to say good bye to so many people. I'll miss them a lot, all my B-tech friends. I didn't know, up until now, how many friends I had made in the past four years and now that they're all ready to go, clicking that one last picture, writing that one last wish, smiling and waving that one last time, I'm quite nostalgic and don't want to let go.

But then many new things await them too. New degrees, new courses, new jobs, new people. And talking about new jobs, I got through THE  place that I had been dying to get into for the 24 weeks of professional training in the next semester. I'll be going to a completely new city on my own for the very first time. I'm so bloody excited about it. I know its gonna be much tougher than I can even imagine but then its also waayy more exciting than anything I've ever done.So maybe its the time to move on, to new things, to take new roads, to make new goals.

Lots of other stuff happening. Aqua *ahem* has got many new "proposals" and even some international ones. And apparently, none of this is her fault. *Cough* *cough* I'd rather not discuss this further.

Tam turned 22 last week! A veryy happy birthday to her. I hope all wonderful things happen to her and she is bestowed with lots of blessings.

Also, among other terrific news, I got a new lappy! :D

Sooo pretty, isnt it?
Yeay! It's also super awesome!

More on this later. Bye for now :)