Neither Here Nor There.

Dear Blog,

Hey, how are you? I hope you don't feel very abandoned at the moment. Coz seriously, you aren't. I still am the same person who, after every significant event, thinks about you and what your next post shall be named. Really.

I miss you as much as you miss me. But I'm not as nice as you are. I forget, I laze around and I'm stubborn. But you, my dear, do none of such nonsense. You don't forget anything that I've told you, you're not lazy like me and you're too nice to be stubborn. But tell me, has any one ever told you that you are aggressive? That you're initial response to EVERYTHING is negative? No, right? People have only praised you and not told you about your shortcomings ever. So you don't know how much it hurts. Especially when you realize that those people are right, that you've turned into someone you don't even recognize anymore.

I wish I were like you sometimes. Simple that is. No complicated underlying emotions or anything. But life's never simple is it? At-least mine never is. For the past four months, blog dear, I've been jobless. Like literally jobless. I had my exams in May this year and after that I've mostly lazed around my house and become a "house-student" or something like that. First college wasn't reopening only. I was getting all apprehensive and I wanted to go back to work etc etc. But then when it finally did, the ambiance and blah had all changed in two months and I just didn't want to study. Nor did my classmates, for that matter. And apparently nor did the professors assigned to us. So we are all lazy. I've been to college like once in the past one month. We keep having stuff like a "Swine Flu" vacation, Strikes etc. Then i was big-time sick and then we went for Zonasa this year. Etc Etc Etc. That's not the point. The actual point is, I'm not studying. I'm not. At all. I've not made one sheet in the past three and half months. And this makes me sad. What makes me sadder is that I've lost all motivation also. Its not like I'm not doing, I don't feel like doing anything only.

I miss D. I do meet him in college sometimes. He looks at me and I know he expects me to act better. I feel like I'm letting D down. But I cant help it. I keep feeling guilty. This Teacher's day, D is the only one who i called up to wish and it makes me so happy to talk to him, every time. The only reason I feel guilty is him. But I bludy cant help my behavior. Truth is, I don't even want to. This makes me such a sad person right Blog?

I can give you so many reasons of not working. But I cant justify any of them. I'm lying. To myself and to you. I've become someone who doesn't care anymore. About anything. Not even herself. I'm turning into someone for whom nothing matters, literally. I've stopped feeling. Even if i do feel something, its only momentary. The only feeling that I have is this feeling of being lost. Like I dont really know who I am anymore or what I want anymore. Or what I believe anymore. Its that state of being supremely clueless.

And its not like I'm sad or anything, I'm not, seriously. I'm perfectly happy doing other things. I know this may shock you but I've started cooking also. Lol. How is that for un-Tejal -like behaviour? Yea its true that I don't do it willingly always but its happening Blog, I'm getting there. I even clean my room willingly nowadays :| AND I've seen so many movies and so many seasons of so many shows (So much for not acting like myself huh?).. AND I've joined other classes to learn new soft-wares etc. So its not like I'm doing nothing. But I'm also NOT doing what i should be doing. Taking college-work seriously. Because I have goals and these goals need to be worked upon right?

I also am not very happy about some other things. Like the fact that my so-called closest guy friend is in love with me and I'm not, in love with him that is. Sigh. As if i needed this. God, can you please make these people NOT fall in "love" with me? And why doesn't the person I like, like me in "that" way. Sigh. Its all so ridiculous. I'm tired of this drama, seriously. Of the love triangles and quadrilaterals around me. My teen-age got over like a year back. So why didn't this drama end then? Its too filmy and boring now. Next please.

Finally Blog, you must be wondering as to why I'm writing to you, after all these years.. well, the answer is that, I don't think this is working out anymore. No, don't take it personally. Its not you, it really is me. I cant handle this public blog anymore. Since the time I've found out that so many people read this blog, people who know me personally, I've started having these doubts. And due to this, I don't really get to write my true emotions sometimes, you know? Its more like a censored version of what i want to write. So I'm thinking of going underground. Like maybe another blog (!) or maybe just shut you out from the Big Bad World.

It may not happen immediately but I just wanted to let you know what's on my mind. Because I know that's what you always want to know, dear Blog.

So see you next time,
Hopefully sooner than later,
Lots of words and lines,
Me.

Just Another Day. Not. (Part 2)

So it wasn't just another day after all.

 As in, day was crappy. We found out that we've been allotted all crappy teachers and basically I don't think I'm going to go to college much this semester because of that.

But best part of the day was that I found my favorite professor D (yes the scary one, who makes us work like donkeys and other beasts of burden, my fellow scorpio at college), told him that i was devastated that he isn't taking any classes with us this sem and we ended up talking about stuff thats been going on in my mind, about how i'm confused right now, about the future etc etc.

After talking to him, i realised how much i admire him and that i'm in complete awe of him. Its for people like him that make this course so amazing and inspiring.

He's like the best. He's so cool. Yet he's the scariest person I've met. But he's someone who makes you want to do something in life.

Its an honour to be his student.

Yellow.

So this is what it feels like, to be free? Its nice really. Not bad at all. My first proper "free" time after 14 months, it sure feels nice. And it feels new. It does.

After much MUCH wait, sixth semester is kinda* over. To sum it up, I would say its been a  rough semester. I was going to say 'tough' but that would be an understatement. Last month was crazy, completely crazy (erm..hence no post). This time both our mainDesign AND workingDrawing submissions were completed before the end sem exams, so yea, its been rough :)

Exams got over last week and I had an awesome one week holiday after a long long time. Was away for a few days and a lot of time was spent on making to-do lists (wheee!), the first item on each list being updating and upgrading this blog.

Also,this is the first time that I'm trying new templates. So do tell me how this new template looks.You can also vote on the tiny little poll-thing thats on the left side. I'm tryin out different templates so i think this blog is going to look different (wheee!) every month or so.But for now, "Its All Yellow" :P

A lot many things have happened recently that I keep forgetting to mention here. Like I got a new pc two months back. Its so awesome.Till now, I'm like super happy with it *touch wood*.And other such random stuff you know?

Among other things, i had the most amazing 'beach' experience lately. But more on that later. Ohmygod i SO love the ocean. I do, I really really do. I can just keep looking at the waves forever. Its totally therapeutic. Next only to shopping, ofcourse.

So I think I'm going to wrap up here, hoping that these next two months, i will write more, live more.
Cheers!

*One submission is still left but ehh..wotcha gonna do, eh? :S

Five Year Plans.

Sometimes, when people hear that i'm doing a five-year degree course, they go like :O
lol..of course, five years seems like a long time and it definitely is, but to tell you the truth, life is different on the other side. Other side of the fifth semester that is. Once you finish half of your course, everything seems different. Like its all going to end soon. Like nothing matters anymore coz its not going to last long enough anyway. 

Sixth semester has been tough. Very tough. I dont remember working so hard ever. Ever. Still, its not been enough. All thanks to D, our Darling Dracula professor. I could write a whole book on him. But i'm not going to :P

Recently, a lot many people seem to be very interested in my love-life. My non-existent love-life that is. Sigh. I know i've been too choosy, i know i've broken some hearts, i know i've been aloof, but i cant help it. Its just that i dont think any of them was (is) worth the trouble. heh. As soon as i find someone who makes me wanna break my own rules, i'll say yes. (There you go, Tam n Aqua, this is your answer, now stop annoying me, will ya?)

So yes, coming back to the main issue, i dont mind doing a five-year graduation course. Even though some my friends will be graduating this year itself (why is Bcom just a three-year thing? why? why?) and they will finish their masters(!!) by the time i complete my bachelors course, i still want to study further. Hopefully i'll do that and have a master's degree right after B.arch. Wow. That means four more years of college. Yikes. Thats long enough, i guess.

Okhay and will someone tell me the deal with the CAT exams in India? Thank GOD i don't want to do MBA. I mean what the hell? One of my first cousins got a 96 percentile n she was a lil unhappy and i was like- haan fine there still are 4 percent people above her. Another cousin got a 99 percentile and STILL he was unhappy with his result.
WHAT is wrong with the world?! Where did the 'healthy' competition and stuff go? This fat, ugly and gross competition makes me want to hit something. Or someone. Yea, something like that.

Nice and Cozy. Almost.

Winter is almost gone. Almost.

This year, it was freakishly cold here. Like normally, winter is pleasant here, being near coastal area and all but this year, we all were lik- brrrrrrrrrrrrr! all the time. So that is almost over.

Also, January is almost coming to an end. Almost.
It was a weird month considering the extreme highs and lows. And as you can see, i've deciced to blog more frequently. I've realised  that i blog a lot when i'm emotional like happy or sad or excited or frustrated. heh. So more of that from now.

My mainDesign submission is almost over. Almost.
 Jury is still pending but still, I've submitted my portfolio i.e. all my sheets. Phew. Its the bestest feeling (no, dont you raise those eyebrows at me. I will use wrong grammar whenever i feel like. hmph.). So yes, it is the most amazing feeling in the world, when one submits the portfolio. Its like nothing in the universe is more important to you than that portfolio. Something that you've created from scratch. Its such a proud moment, the submission.
 And when the jury rips off your design, pointing out gazillion mistakes,doing a complete post mortem, you seriously think about giving supari or better yet, finishing them off yourself.
Sigh. I tend to get aggresive about my work sometimes :|

Sixth sem has almost started. Almost.
As in first day was good. Second day was today and we kinda didnt have any classes so heh.
This time most of my classes are being taken by the wD proffessor that i mentioned earlier. So I'm like super happy and shit scared at the same time. (hehe)
And by the way, he told me yesterday... umm lets call him D (what? why are you giving me that suspicious look? There's no story behind the name 'D' .*wicked smile* Or maybe there is *more wicked smiles continue*).
Ok so D told me that I got the highest marks in his subject last semester and I was like *Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee* on the inside and *shy demure smile* on the outside. lol.
Really, I'm on top of the world right now, with D praising me in front of the whole class and mD submission being over. I even went out shopping so as to celebrate the occasion. :P

For now, its nice and cozy and almost peaceful. Shit, this is so unlike my usual life. Lol.