About Me.

Can you define yourself? Look at the extreme left upper corner of this blog and you'll find that I can't. There's no 'About Me' description there. Because I don't really think I know how to define myself yet. Of-course that's kinda lame because I know 'me' for the past 21 years and its quite peculiar to have known someone for so long and not know well enough about that person. But its true. I can't say that I'm this and I'm not that. Not yet. I may be this and that. Infact, due to this, I keep wondering as to how I'll introduce myself to people that I'll meet in about 10 days.

Should I be like- "Hello, My name is Tejal. I'm 21. Scorpio. No nonsense types. Also, a little weird and extremely random."

So, like I said, I'm leaving in 10 days.I dont really know how I'll react to things there.I mean I hope I'll be positive and happy and try to adjust etc etc but I cant really say anything for sure. Going and living in a new city all by myself is a risky step and I guess that's the charm of it. I really want to explore new things but mostly importantly I want to explore myself, how I'll react to the new things, leaving behind the cosy comfort of a protected life at home.

I don't know what exactly I want them to think of me. 'Them' being the completely new people that I'm going to work with and stay with for the next six months. I mean of-course, I'll "be myself" but its very difficult to do that, you know. Especially because I think I have many versions of me and that too,quite drastic ones. 

Sometimes I'm this docile, timid creature and sometimes I'm this extrovert, enthusiastic person.I also have this constant need to organize things.Yet my room is always messy. Like always. I love details. I practically plan everything to the very last detail and I'm so careful and concerned about everything. I mean, for once I'd like to see what being impulsive would feel like, what carefree-ness, happy-go-lucky-ness would feel like. Because I'm the opposite of impulsive and everything rash. I have this master plan for life and things that I'm doing just are means to get to the goal. So everything is complicated. But now, I don't want that any more. I want things to be simple. To live in the moment. But I'm not sure I can do that. In fact I don't even know how to do that.

In a way, I think I can relate to Monica. I have this obsession to be organized, to make plans, to make lists, to work things out before-hand, to categorise, to synchronise and to co-ordinate. Also, I'm bossy and "freakishly strong". I'm not that much of a neat-freak but then I stare hard at people who litter and my friends are tired of finding dustbins to throw their chocolate-wrappers in. Excuse me, but how can we keep the whole freaking Earth clean if we keep throwing stuff here and there and live amongst trash? I mean, hello? How hard is it, to throw garbage in a bin and not on the road or a side-walk? Anyway, so that's an irritating habit of mine. I also like to tell people what to do and mostly I'm right about it too. Sigh. I have OCD, dont I? 

But I'm also a a wee bit like Phoebe. I'm a lil strange, neurotic and can sing random songs at any given time and/or place! I'm high on life and have a flair for the melodrama. Hmm.

I read somewhere that if you're a non-smoker, a non-drinker and a vegetarian then you hardly have a life. Is that how people define fun? Then I'm totally boring. Lol. No drunken fiascos to boast about. I also happen to love my lungs a lot. And I'd rather not eat anything that was walking and talking a few hours ago. Thank you very much :/

I'm also, much to people's surprise (hmph), single. I think I've written enough about my single-hood and how I like it this way and the fact that I'm okay with it. Its not like the end of road, you know. Apparently, nowadays if you're single, some thing is wrong with you.Sigh. I'm perfectly fine and awesome. Thanks for the concern *rolls her eyes*.

So there you go. That was a LOT "about me". Now how am I supposed to fit in all this and more in a tiny little space and then expect you to know me?

. 

All Talk.

Everywhere you go, everything you see, its all talk. Just talk. I write this, typing away to glory, near my window, alone, but in reality, all I'm doing is talking, to you. You meet somebody, anybody and all you want to do, is talk.  
Ever thought about how much you talk to yourself? Everything we do, atleast everything I do, is about what our mind tells us to do. Literally.
Smiles talk.
Tears talk.
Actions talk.
Eyes talk.
Moments talk.
Sometimes everybody talks, all at once, but you dont want to listen. You want to shut it all out. Cause the voice that you actually want to hear, is always silent.

That Doe-Eyed Intruder.

This is the Annual Story Telling post. Missed it last year but will make it up this year, promise :)

Once upon a time, there was a girl. Yes, thats pretty much all about her. That she was a girl. It wasn't something she chose, it wasnt something she could have wanted, it was just something that was thrust upon her even before she was born. That she was to be a girl. Not just a human or a person, a "girl".

The moment she was born, her mother was disappointed with herself. She could not give birth to a boy at the first shot, could she? She was a fine young lady, her mother. But sometimes, age-old expectations are just too hard to ignore and the truth is too difficult to accept.Then, the new born's family members were heard sharing the news like "Oh. Its a girl." not "OH ITS A GIRL!!!". They kept on repeating this to evrybody in the exact same way.

Everybody cringed a little when they heard the news. They were all nice people, very 20th-century-modern ones, not some horrid backward clan. But even then, this was their first natural reaction.They could not help it. Of course, later on her parents loved her to death and she was the apple of everybody's eyes when she grew up. But a little part inside the girl died every time she heard the story. The story of everybody being disappointed in her even before she had opened her eyes and looked around.

She grew up to hate the fact that she wasn't wanted by anybody. She knew she meant a lot to everybody around her but she could never fully understand why she would feel so empty when she thought of how her little brother was treated like a God's gift when he was born, years later. She loved him very much but she could never forgive him for being the answer to everybody's prayers.

She grew up to learn that men and women were equal and now women walk shoulder to shoulder with men in all aspects of life. Then she joined college and that notion was obviously shattered. She looked around and saw what she meant to the people-of-the-other-gender. Her sense of justice could not forgive the Almighty Creator for doing what he did to her kind. He was obviously a "he", that's for sure.

She was sympathetic to all the baby girls that were born and got the same reaction. She looked helplessly at the "cringe" every time and thought about how the story kept on repeating itself over and over again. She could do nothing to change it. They were well-educated and broad minded people, yet that first cringe could never be avoided. She had to learn to live with it.

She was happy in her own little world, where all these trivial things never mattered. There were times and there were people who made her feel much above such things. She was happy in her home, where everybody loved her and made her feel like she mattered.But as soon as she stepped out, out of her comfort zone, out of her house, she felt like an intruder. An intruder in the Man's world. Not once, not twice, every freaking time.

                               

The End Begins..

Hello internets!
I know I know, loooong time no see.. but you see I've been very busy lately. Busy doing what you ask? Well you know, just busy doing nothing :D
I'm a bit random you say. Ahh that I am. More so in the past couple of months. People who have absolutely lost their will to do productive work (due to *various* reasons) are generally random, aren't they?
So like you might have probably guessed, I'm about to give a nice little description about my randomness(you havent? Shame on you, go do some background reading and come back).

So a month ago, I turned 21. Yes yes dont be so shocked. I'm all grown up.*bows*
Yes, now please wipe those tears and don't over-react. I know its hard to believe because I don't usually behave er..umm in a very mature manner (my lil brother exclaims "You're 21!" with disbelief almost every other minute when I start talking. He finds it hard to believe that someone my age can act the way I do. hmph. I mean what does that mean? To him i say, you grow up. hmph.).

So yes, 21 it is. I had a great birthday. And it was totally contrary to what I had thought it would be. Mostly because two of my favourite people have left town this year and I thought it would be extremely dull without them. But both of them made my day.Along with some other very sweet people. Sometimes, you dont expect some things out of some people, as in, you hope it would happen but at the same time you dont really expect them to. And its like really really wonderful when people go beyond your expectations. Sigh. Birthdays are the days when you realise how many friends you've made. Yea maybe they call you only once a year and vice versa but at-least they do. That's what matters. I hear many people think that its just another day. Well its not so, it definitely is not so. I consider myself lucky to have the love and affection of so many people. (And to those who didn't bother, well its your loss dude. :P )
Among other things, sometimes really really unexpected things happen. Like realllyy unexpected. Hehe.

Moving on, further life decisions have been taken, stuff is being planned. Next year is really crucial and scary at the same time. But i think it'll all be okhay. Because really, everything so far has been okhay, if not great or terrible. Lets just say, I'm not going to complain about whatever happens but I really hope some things work out the way I want them to.

By the way, did I mention I have a submission tomorrow. Yes, finally towards the end of this semester, it is submission time again. So some things are back to normal and un-random if I may. And next week will have the onset of end semester exams. Which i'm kinda looking forward to (Yes I'm weird. Oh you didn't know that? My bad.).

And lastly, the end that i refer to in my post title is the end of college. Yes, our actual college-end is like a year and half later but my fellow engineering students have only eight semesters and technically (inspite of us having a ten sem course) eighth semester is like almost the end for us. The end of typical college days for sure.Everybody around me is getting nostalgic and want to really enjoy this last semester. Ofcourse, all that the b.tech students want is a job or an mba insti but yea, apart from that.Well I hope that happens. I hope all my to-be-engineer friends get good jobs or get into good mba intitutes and  all us to-be-architects find the patience and courage to survive three more semesters.

I know its too much to ask but if I could, I would want life to treat everybody well. 'Everybody' mostly includes all the people around me, the victims of the constant vicious cycle of life. Like come on, we need a break, a break from expectations and disappointments, from wanting too much and losing too much and we need that break, like now.

Of the Mind And Soul Only.

Sometimes when I smile, it doesn’t really seem like I’m smiling. But that doesn’t mean that I’m not.

Sometimes when I lie, it doesn’t really seem like I’m lying. But that doesn’t mean that I’m not.

Sometimes when I listen, it doesn’t really seem like I’m listening. But that doesn’t mean that I’m not.

Sometimes when I think, it doesn’t really seem like I’m thinking. But that doesn’t mean that I’m not.

Sometimes when I sing, it doesn’t really seem like I’m singing. But that doesn’t mean that I’m not.

Sometimes when I wait, it doesn’t really seem like I’m waiting. But that doesn’t mean that I’m not.

Sometimes when I talk, it doesn’t really seem like I’m talking. But that doesn’t mean that I’m not.

Sometimes when I cry, it doesn’t really seem like I’m crying. But that doesn’t mean that I’m not.

Just Another Day. Not. (Part 2)

So it wasn't just another day after all.

 As in, day was crappy. We found out that we've been allotted all crappy teachers and basically I don't think I'm going to go to college much this semester because of that.

But best part of the day was that I found my favorite professor D (yes the scary one, who makes us work like donkeys and other beasts of burden, my fellow scorpio at college), told him that i was devastated that he isn't taking any classes with us this sem and we ended up talking about stuff thats been going on in my mind, about how i'm confused right now, about the future etc etc.

After talking to him, i realised how much i admire him and that i'm in complete awe of him. Its for people like him that make this course so amazing and inspiring.

He's like the best. He's so cool. Yet he's the scariest person I've met. But he's someone who makes you want to do something in life.

Its an honour to be his student.

Just Another Day. Not.

So, today is going to be the first day of the fourth year of my college life. I have to sleep for 4 and a half hours now and wake up to today. It might seem like just any day but  frankly its not. Its like one of those 'small-step-for-man-huuuuge-step-for-Tejal' kinda days. If I start, I might list out all the things, good and bad, that have happened to me in the last three years and bore the hell out of you, my dear reader, and so, I'm not going into details.

So, lets just say i'm a lil psyched about growing up all this, I think its too soon, I mean, what do I know about architecture anyway, I cant be like a FOURTH YEAR STUDENT already, can I?

So, I'm like kinda freaked out, in a not-happy sorta way (erm) and I know this is crazy, it cant really get any worse than it already is, can it? (famous last words,they call 'em).

So, I'm just saying, that maybe I'm not ready for this. Then again, I might honestly never be ready for this ever.

So, maybe this is a good thing. Maybe one has to tell that Inner Voice to shut up, stop being so ultra cynical  and let you take chances once in a while.

So, this year, I'm going to give myself another chance; I'm not going to give up so easily :)

It's All About You.

I don't understand you. I don't know why you call when you do, I don't know why you don't call when you don't.

I don't understand what makes you smile suddenly and I don't understand why you don't respond abruptly.I don't know why we click the way we do and I don't know why we differ the way we do.

I don't understand what I mean to you nor do I understand what you mean to me. Sometimes you're just a very pleasant memory, other times you're just too painful to think about.

I don't understand why you suddenly waltz back into my life just when I'm about to forget you and then I certainly don't understand why you disappear again leaving me confused and angry and waiting, waiting for you,again.

Sometimes I think I've had enough. That you should go away for good so that I don't have to say goodbye to you again and again. Other times, I just wish you would stay and never leave ever. 

In some ways, I hate you more than I've hated anyone. In other ways, I miss you more than I've ever missed anyone.

One of 'those' nights.

Mood music- 'Tonight's Gonna be a Good Night' by Black Eyed Peas.
  
Its one of those nights, when you are sitting alone by the window (because your computer table happens to be beside the window), early summer/late spring -ish cool wind blowing through your hair, you look at the doped mosquito thats buzzing around you and suddenly decide that you have to kill it, cause its your blood that it's  been sucking this whole time. 

Its one of those nights, when  you realise that the reason for all the sulking, that was going on for the past couple of days, was that you were living in denial . And as soon as you  realise that, life makes sense again.

Its one of those nights, when you give yourself a hard shake and download the software that got formatted off your pc a month back and without which, your work wasn't moving a millimeter further.

Its one of those nights, when you decide you won't be goin to college tomorrow because well, you haven't finished your work due to aforementioned due-download. And more so, because you just dont feel like it.

Its one of those nights, when you know you have spent the whole evening watching meaningless soaps and even the scam IPL match , just so that you dont have to think about the real things happening around you.

Its one of those nights, when you wish you were at Hogwarts or may be Camp half-blood and you could call up your 'normal' friends and say cheesy stuff like- "Anything is possible".

Its one of those nights, when you wonder what a normal, peaceful, uneventful life would feel like.

Its one of those nights, when you bravely put on your 'I-dont-give-a-damn' facade and try a lil too hard to make it seem true.
  
Its one of those nights, when you miss all the people who are / have been an integral part of you life. Yet you do not want to contact them and let them know.

Its one of those nights, when you don't want to sleep because you don't want to wake up to face tomorrow. And then, you realise that its 3 am. It already is tomorrow.

Its one of those nights, when you want to say so many things yet not want to say anything at all.



Its one of those nights, when you know your mom is going to be hospitalized tomorrow and that's the reason why you are doing / not doing said things and that you are probably, still in denial.  

March.

Honestly, I'm still scared of March.


Maybe its because we always had our Final exams in March at school and we used to get the report card also in March itself. It was a pretty scary month in those times.  Even though, I have exams in May (!) and December (!!) nowadays, I still get a weird feeling when someone says, "1st March".


Sometimes I think I've never moved on. Its been like five years and I'm still in my tenth standard classroom, sitting on the second bench with Abhu and  also, Tam n P, sitting behind us, Me and Sneha being 'tonga partners' apparently (dont look at me, i had nothing to do with the name, it was Sneha, only she knows why she called us that..and also, there was a third TP but i just cannot remember who she was. God, was it Abhu?), having lunch with my then best friend S, standing in the morning assembly (criticising everybody in general), thinking about leaving the school after studying there for twelve years.. yea, its all so fresh in my mind.


And at almost the end of the year, I had this really awful haircut, done at this *really* good place in Kolkata and it was so short and so yuck and so bad. Shit i remember crying for weeks about it. My real worry was that i would look terrible in a saree with short hair at my farewell in Feb. Sheesh. I was fifteen :|


So coming back to the point, March reminds me of school, of school bags, of the school gardens, of the Report-Card days (I was always a good student but on this day, I was always sure I would fail and would have to face the horror of repeating a year ), of anxiety and basically terror. Mostly, March reminds me of a strange ending (like April reminds me of a strange beginning but we dont have to talk about that now) to something important. I swear its not as cheeky as it sounds. Its weird though.


You know, sometimes I'm still that person I was in school. I was pretty different back then, mind you. I didn't know anything about anything. Seriously. I was a hardcore nerd. I still am actually. But only, now people don't get to see that side of me. Heh.*looks over her shoulder and smirks* (what? its funny when you actually do it ok. Sheesh. Use some imagination )


PS : My lil bro A has grown up n all (!). His 10th boards are starting from tomorrow (!!). Best of Luck ya :P  I hope you do well :P Matlab, no pressure, you just have my name to roshan and all :P

Erm.. umm.. hmmm..

 Nowadays,

I'm always
confused
distracted
absentminded
clueless.

 And I don't know why.
 :/

Moving On.

The worst thing about time is that it stops for none. And that, is the best thing about it .
And time is the greatest healer.
So here i am, looking for a fresh start. So far, things have been a lil bleak. Many unfortunate incidents have happened in the last thirteen days. But, life doesn't stop either, does it?
M is fine now, much better. He has been very brave throughout the whole ordeal and i'm so proud of him. We are trying to move on. Really.
Some good news by the way. My exams have finally gotten over. God, they were on for like ages!
I couldn't meet so many people who had come to town during the vacations because i was having these stupid exams :( sorry :(
However, my submissions arent over yet. As in, they should have been over a long time back but seriously this is the toughest thing that i have ever done. Our 'Main Design' (mD) this semester is like a city centre kinda thing with an Auditorium and Cinema hall. Sigh. Seriously, toughest mD everrrrr!
I mean, i was told 'Working Drawing' (wD) was the scariest subject but no.. thats not true.. Yea, wD does take a LOT of hard work, i agree. I've had to repeat a particular sheet five times (not a joke) but atleast it was approachable and achieveable. And i'm kinda scared of the wD professor too. hehe. Not in a bad way though. Yea, i dont think 'scared' is the right word. I'm so in awe of him actually. He's like this super sharp scorpio and he's so good at what he does and i admire him so much and i dont want to let him down n all (same sunsign and stuff :P ) and thats probably why i get nervous around him. I think he knows i'm not dumb but i guess he is still trying to figure out why i act like an idiot when he's around. :|
Trust me, thats what i want to find out too.
So yes, inspite of all this, wD submissions got over way back in december and mD submissions are no where near completion. I think we have our sixth sem registrations from next week. I have no idea how and when i shall finish my mD submissions. *reads the previous line again and starts sulking*
Arrgghh.. I've studied so hard this semester. I want a break. I want a holiday. I want to have fun (without feeling guilty this time). I want to shop. I want to read the books (that are kept on that shelf, books that i've bought sucha long time back but havent had the good fortune of reading them yet. Inner Nerd says 'hi' to everyone.).I want out.
*sheepish grin*
I want fifth semester to end. I want sixth semester to start.

Really?

Sometimes,I look back at the last few years of my life, and wonder what went wrong. The place where I am today, I never expected to be here. To tell you the truth, I did not even expect to be the person, I am now.
I expected much less.
Maybe that's the reason why I'm happy :)

By the way, I'm going through the whole I-think-I'm-gonna-block-this-blog phase. Believe it or not, this blog suddenly has too many readers (read lurkers)and I'm not sure I'm very comfortable with that.
You know, I’ve always read other blogs, where the bloggers acknowledge these secret readers of theirs. I never felt the need because I thought I didn’t have any readers apart from those who had been coaxed by me to read :P

However, recently, I’ve sort of abandoned giving my blog undue publicity *ahem* . And rather recently so many people have told me that they know stuff because they’ve read my blog and I’m like- “You read my blog?! But u never comment? I had no idea that u do”..
Like the time when I heard that this senior of mine who I’ve never spoken to properly(hell, I didn’t know he even knew my name) recommended my blog to a friend of mine and when she told me I was like- Waaat? Really? He knows me then? From where did he get the link?? But he never ever even acknowledges me when we cross each other.
So anyway, the point is, its flattering that people keep a tab on the blog and all but sometimes it really freaks me out. I mean hello, I don’t even know this person properly and he know SO much about me. I used to think that my Statcounter was counting wrong numbers but it seems its not.
Many times I think I should block this blog or remove its link from places.. I don’t know.. I write about my life and I’m not too ambiguous about it either. I’m not an anonymous blogger, I use my real name.If u know me and my friends, you’ll know exactly who or what I’m talking about. That’s what I write about. Me. My friends. My life.
So is it ok to share it with absolute strangers? And specially strangers, who don’t want to share their opinion or even say a ‘hi’ maybe? Strangers, who are so much interested in your life but you have no clue whatsoever about their intentions? Its a lil too spooky, dont u think??


Not just spooky, its downright scary .
But then, I guess this is a question every blogger faces and yet we keep on blogging. Because it feels so good.

So lets just say, if u happen to drop by n the link to this blog doesn’t work.. Maybe I’ve changed my answer about the aforementioned question.
And to my silent readers, it never hurts to say hello, does it?

That Fuzzy Feeling.

This is my 50th post and i'm very happy about it :P

Have you ever experienced that weird feeling, when you really really want something to happen and you keep hoping and praying for it to happen and when it does, you dont want it anymore?
Sheesh.
Its not a very nice feeling really.

When people ask me, "Hi, whats up?",( apart from wanting to say "God / sky / ceiling / me" type stuff), I sometimes really want to say, "Do you really want to know?" I mean, really, do u REALLY want to know about it? *Glares hard*
So my usual answer is "Nothin much". However, dont be fooled by this. Fortunately (or is it unfortunate?) there is always so much happening around me, I usually dont know what to say, where to start.
This really makes me miss my introvert days.

So the most important thing thats happened is that I've suddenly come to 3rd year. Thats like a big whoooops in my heart when i think about it. Thing is, since we were in first year, our seniors (God bless them all :P) used to say "Wait till you come to third year. Most difficult year of your entire life. You'll regret everything in your life"...and they used to go on..and on...and on..........
So, basically its been pretty hyped n all. I'm shit scared, coz life has been pretty difficult till here and i dont know how much more i can take.



Anyway,next new thing is, my department has shifted to the main campus. We had two campuses, one had the archi block and the hostels and the other was the main campus where all the other depts functioned. We were pretty surprised with the shifting coz we didn't think it would ever happen. But it did. And its a good thing. Our new building is ultra cool and once it'll be completed, it'll be the best block of our college (ha!). *ahem*
And the most weird part about this is, i miss my old block SOOOO much.. i mean i never would have thought I'd get so attached to that place, to THAT building of all things..you have to see it once and only then will you understand what I'm talking about.. the new block is like the complete opposite of our old block.. its so airy and pretty and scenic and has an AWESOME view.. i swear the view is breathtaking from some places.. its so weird to have something so good and yet miss something that was so ordinary, yet had that 'sense-of-belonging' kinda feel to it.
I'll miss the annual flood of the studios due to heavy rain (dont ask), the climbing out of the window to escape the torture (yes it used to happen), a particular bonfire in April 08 , our much dreamed about Fourth year studio (which we never got to study in, coz of the shifting..waaaaaahhhh *sobs n sobs n sobs* ), the newly built aquarium-type chamber for our beloved new HOD (shhhh..i'm being nice and not calling it a bathroom see.. hmph.. the colors, the walls, the carpet..for which we had to 'remove' our shoes before entering..gawd i'm gonna miss that :P), the library (which had a record of being re-arranged a million times),the looooong corridor where the lights were mostly off n we used to keep guessing who's coming from the entrance.. ( "Who's that? Is he a teacher? naaaa..too thin..Is he a junior? heheh..nope..omg.. Is he a senior? Get inside the studio fasttt") omg everything. The new building is so properly lighted n ventilated that you can see who's coming from a mile away. sheesh.

Oh n by the way, i was going through my old posts and came across a particular one in which i have described how i wasted my third semester and how "my insincerity towards studies had stooped to unimaginable levels". Apparently it wasn't so. My 3rd sem results came out recently (very late, yea..some strike at my stupid university) and guess what? I stood first in not only my class but also my university. Well, i guess I'm not as bad as i think :P .

There are many other things that i have to talk about but i guess that'll have to wait till my next post.

Btw,There's something more..I'm thinking of blocking this blog too.. too many lurkers.. but more on that later.

No man’s land

This, my dear readers, is the annual story-telling post. The ‘fairytale-gone-wrong’ types. Because that’s exactly the kind that happens in real life.

Once upon a time, there lived a group of likeminded wicked funloving always laughing-no-matter-what kind of people. But this story is not about all of them. Its about three special people. There was a Boy who was the most charming and sweet and caring person. There was a Girl who was so pretty and sweet that everybody adored her. And there was a Stupid Girl who was the carefree wacko types and was everybody’s favorite person.


These three were the best of friends and nothing could have ever come in between them. They had been with each other in all kinds of situations and had come out strong.
It so happened that Boy and Girl, looked so good together, everybody around them wanted them to be (..er..) more than just friends. However, Stupid girl (although she teased both of them like hell about it) she didn’t think they suited each other. And she made the fact pretty clear. Girl and boy both agreed with her and assured her that nothing of that sort was ever going to happen. Stupid girl belived them.

After a good six months, the whole thing died down. Ofcourse everybody tried their best to get the girl and boy together but nothing happened. Infact they had now started to get extremely angry when anybody even mentioned such a thing. So then nobody bothered anymore.All was well.
Atleast that’s what stupid girl thought.
Then one day, the day just before they were all going to their respective homes, Girl calls up Stupid Girl, and tearfully tells her that she hasn’t been completely honest with her. Girl tells Stupid Girl that Girl and Boy are not just friends. They’ve been committed to each other for the past six months. They didn’t want anybody to know because it would have caused complications.
Stupid Girl was devastated. She never expected that the two people whom she trusted most in the world would do this to her. In introspection, she thought about all the times the three were together. Like she was living a lie. She felt like the most stupid person alive on planet earth. Anyway, she probably was . Is. Whatever.
You see, you need to be a girl or atleast think like a girl to realize the importance of this betrayal. For you, it might be,”Bleh, what the hell? So they didn’t tell her. Big deal. It was their personal thing. Why was stupid girl being so stupid about it?”.
Well you know, firstly, like the name suggests, this girl was stupid ok. As in, she wasn’t stupid regarding her work. She’d got good brains. Better than most people. But she was basically stupid at heart. She believed that the way she treated people, she should be treated the same way. She expected honesty for honesty and other such crap. She sort of lived in the imaginary world where good things happened to good people. She obviously needed to read more of comic books and learn from the lives of superheroes. Good people aren’t necessarily subjected to good things. Sometimes its quite the opposite. Stupid girl.
And about the part where you have to be a girl or think like one, well, for a girl, her best friend is everything to her. She shares everything with the best friend. Everything. Secrets cant exist between them. The best friend is a part of her. In this case, two of her best friends were constantly lying to her for six months. I can’t explain it, but the Stupid Girl was really devastated. She had no problems that they were going out. But the fact that they lied to her and then got angry and lied even some more if people spoke about them really hurt stupid girl. She knew she was once again being stupid in reacting the way she was, but that was her. She couldn’t pretend. She obviously had a lot to learn from her friends.
By the way, Girl also told Stupid girl not to mention this to Boy as he had told Girl not to tell Stupid Girl.
The holidays started. Everybody was on their own for three weeks. Stupid girl was behaving even more stupidly. She had lost her capacity to trust people. Now everyone was under her suspicion. She sort of had a list in her head as to who will deceive her next. The worst person to be affected by this behavior was probably this great Guy who apparently liked Stupid girl a lil too much. She had stopped taking calls, switched off her phone and started ignoring everybody. Her lame excuse was that her parents had suddenly become extremely strict. However, the real reason was that, if she couldn’t trust the person whom she was with almost 24hours a day, she couldn’t obviously trust Guy who wasn’t even in the same college as her. How they met and how they started liking each other is another story altogether. She somewhere knew she was punishing the wrong person but then her sense of right and wrong had just done a somersault.

Anyway, after three weeks, everybody came back and everybody but these three was happy. Girl kept apologizing sorry and she didn’t want to lose Stupid Girl. So she had told Boy that Stupid Girl knew everything. Boy didn’t know what to do, how to face Stupid Girl. He didn’t have the guts to even say sorry. It’s a typical boy thing it seems. But he didn’t want to lose Stupid Girl either. She was very important to both of them (apparently). And Stupid Girl, she didn’t know what to do. She didn’t want to lose her best friends but had accepted the fact that they were now just her friends and she was incapable of making best friends ever again. She tried to be neutral. But the fact that Boy was just not saying anything about it got her really frustrated. They now had ‘fake’ conversations, in which both of them avoided the topic of Girl altogether. After a couple of days, Stupid Girl couldn’t go on pretending anymore so she called up Boy and asked him to stop pretending like he didn’t know anything. Boy didn’t have anything to say about it.So, after much talking on Stupid girl’s part and listening on Boy’s part, they decided never to talk about it again. For Stupid Girl, the more all this was discussed, the more disgusted she became.

But then there was something else that she realized while talking to Girl and Boy. They both had had enough of each other and were very soon going to have a break up. According to Stupid Girl, this was worse than the whole lying part. She knew this would have happened and this was the reason she had advised them not to get together in the first place. Now very soon she would have to choose one of them because obviously they won’t be able to stand each other. She had always hated this thing, when she had to choose between two friends. It was just too difficult.
As it is, she never believed in relationships and now her belief in friendship and love had just vanished. She didn’t think she could ever forget this, ever. She had also forgiven Boy and Girl because she didn’t think she even had the right to be angry with them but yes, this lesson would never be forgotten.
But then, you know Stupid Girl. She’s stupid. She’s someone who believes in happy endings and new beginnings, sunshine and flowers, magic and miracles, wintertime and springtime, fate and faith and that there’s a reason why things happen the way they do. And it’ll take more than mere acts of selfishness by some people to make her forget all this.

So I leave you here, dear reader, on a positive note and it is up to you to understand and interpret the moral of this story. And if you do, I would love to hear about it.

New n Improved !

Happy New Year to all! :)
Recently, I've come to realise that my blog has become a very frustrated, depressed, overworked and stressed-out person's blog. Let me inform u, that is in fact not true. hmph. There are many things that i may be. Being a pessimist is not one of 'em ;)

So here's 2009! heh! I'm sure everybody's made new resolutions.. Do share!
My resolution is to Talk less n Work more! I was never a chatterbox but whoa! all limits have been crossed by yours truly. The realisation has now dawned upon me that talking a lot reduces one's work output tremendously. So i shall not talk much and work hard. Thing is, my last year's resolution backfired majorly.. Twas 'Work hard n party harder'..bleh too much partying i tell u..too much!

Ok somehow this January I'm strongly reminded of Jan '07 and the contrast between the two.

~ Then,the thought of giving JEE's had robbed me of every tiny glint of happiness. I now want as many opportunities to prove myself n to improve.

~ My priorities in life have changed drastically. From just wanting to pass somehow in the board exams, i now want to be the best in everything.

~ My friends have mostly swapped their relationship status :P Happily-single ones have become committed *ahem ahem* n the happily-committed ones are now single *ahem*.
I'm still single. But now I'm one of the last few of this extinct species. Damn.

~ I fear I'm losing my innocence. This cruel world is changing me into a spiteful and bad-tempered sort of a person. I miss my 'sweet-lil-darling-angel' days :(

~ From being the subdued lil creature whom ppl generally refer to as 'mouse-type', I'm now referred to as a 'popular' person who's got friends wherever she goes. (however 'friends' here refers to mere acquaintances..i cannot boast of having many true friends)

~ My best friend is still my best friend but other ppl/friends have changed their status. Now there are many category of Friends like Perennial, Seasonal and Annual.
Perennial are the ones who are there all along, Seasonal are the ones who are one's friends at particular times n then vanish and then appear again, Annual are the ones that wish u diligently on your bday,new year,diwali,christmas etc. Apart from these, they forget u completely.

~ I've done most of the stuff that i had imagined i would do in college so now there's nothing left but to study ;)

~ From being mostly a singer in all kinda competitions- school or otherwise, me has turned into dancer these days. From frontstage-fright to frontstage-addiction. Sigh. Where are my backstage days?

bleh. There are many other changes. i cant possibly list out all.
n btw ppl who did read my previous post, nothin to worry about folks! Me did the second submission too! exams are now over and life is not all that bad anymore :P

*Ahem* I've been talking too much again haven't I? Damn!

No.

Its December already?
:O
Where did my third semester go? :( How come i hav exams in exactly 10 days ? :((
So finally, the worst sem out of my whole three sems of college life is comin to a tragic end. Worst because my insincerity towards studies has stooped to unimaginable levels. I've had infinite fun this sem :D [er.. :(] Somehow finished my 'Design-Major' Submissions. However i hav no idea how 'Design-Minor' will be completed. Sad part is i'm not even interested anymore. Wonder how this happened. I just want this sem to end. I promise to study harder next time. I've made a million mistakes in the last three-four months. Can't really handle reality anymore. I was happy in my sweet lil imaginary world. Can't even remember how i ended up comin out of it.
Guess the whole 'Pride comes before a fall' thing is taking a toll on me :(

I was so happy.*Sigh* Second sem was lik a beautiful dream. Fests. Positive interaction with seniors *ahem*. Fresher's party. Becoming Miss Fresher was like too cool for me. Hmph. Then Exams..bludy how did i end up standing second in class i dunno. Entering 3rd sem with such a party mood has got me into so much trouble :(
I feel like running away. But then that wont solve anything coz i'll have to come back :( I think i had forgotten that i'm not just an engineering student.. i'm an architecture student. Damn the difference between the two.

I think i'm going crazy. I want two different things at the same time. Want to write this post. But am stoppin 100 times and wondering why the hell i'm writin it. Whats the point? But then whats the point of doing anythin in this world? Its completely pointless isnt it? ot is it? :O

I lost my very close friend this sem. All bcoz of a misunderstanding created by other people. He hates me now. In my defense(which i could never tell him) i'd like to say i was misquoted, misinterpreted and misjudged. I dunno if i deserve our friendship but i definitely dont deserve your hatred :((

I'm in quite a state of denial and dont want to accept anything. God i'm so scared. I'm turning into someone i dont wanna be. I dont wanna change but i am.

For the first time in my life, i have so many regrets.

Gosh, this is the most depressing post i've ever written :(

The Love-Hate Irony.

I love rains. I hate monsoons.
I love speed. I hate risks.
I love books. I hate being called a bookworm.
I love talking. I hate people who don't listen.
I love mystery. I hate suspense.
I love giving orders. I hate taking them.
I love being given the veto power. I hate listening to the word 'No'.
I love drawing. I hate painting.
I love oceans. I hate that i cant swim.
I love Saturday evenings. I hate Monday mornings.
I love working till the wee hours of morning. I hate not getting enough sleep.
I love seeing the positive side of everything. I hate the pessimistic side of me.
I love packing. I hate unpacking.
I love my college. I hate mismanagement, irresponsibility and disorganisation.
I love my friends. I hate having to say goodbye.
I love the self-created fantasy world I live in. I hate anything that's not practical.
I love being the infinitely lazy creature that i am. I hate doing nothing.
I love spontaneity. I hate impulsiveness.
I love being unmonotonous. I hate changes of any kind.
I love Hollywood. I hate it when people criticize Bollywood.
I love watching TV. I hate over-acting and in general,over-dramatic people.
I love Ducktales. I hate Shin Chan.
I love organizing events. I hate participating in any.
I love music. I hate myself for being out-of-practice.
I love listening to stories. I hate gossiping about others.
I love the small things in life. I hate the bigger picture being ignored.
I love being around people who take care of everything. I hate not being in control.
I love blogging. I hate being so irregular at it.
I love having one thousand crushes simultaneously. I hate two-timing of any kind.
I love my room. I hate chaos.
I love having so many friends. I hate having to choose between them.
I love being in love. I hate the various heartbreaks that follow.
I love being so very busy in my studies. I hate not being able to hang out with my Friends.
I love chocolates. I hate anything(or anyone)that's overly sweet.
I love C++. I hate C.
I love my city. I hate the mentality and the rigidness of the people here.
I love having an opinion on everything. I hate people being over-critical all the time.
I love things that abnormal and/or extraordinary. I hate creepy crawly stuff.
I love analysing stuff. I hate being prejudiced.
I love my name. I hate mispronunciations.
I love Google search. I hate yahoo search.


I love my blog. I hate seeing so many 'I's in it.

Right thing to do?

No don't look that surprised ! Yes, I've updated my blog :P after a century, yes but still i have :) Thing is I'm in the typical lazy blogger phase.. i keep blogging all the time in my head but I'm too lazy to type it out :(( Fine, sue me! :P
And my sincere apologies to all my blog pals who have been after my life coz I've stopped commenting on their blogs.. guys, the truth is, I've stopped Reading them too *ducks while everybody loads their guns* I'm so sorry *ahem* i shall make amends soon.. er.. hopefully *uses her drafting board to bar the gun shots*

Lately, there have been a series of circumstances that have lead me to question the whole existence of Right and Wrong. What exactly is the 'right' thing to do? The thing that we want to do or the thing that we should do? Where does one draw the line? What should be the priority? Does Service ALWAYS come before Self? Cant we, for once, not try to be perfect? Is it normal to break rules and not feel guilty..at all?
People all around are always trying to deceive. It is okay to know whats happening and not do anything about it? Sometimes its really difficult to pretend everything is fine when its absolutely not.. so should one react? If someone treats us badly, should he get that back from us? isn't that how it should be? But its not.

I may be completely wrong in my perception of these things.. Then again the question of Right and Wrong will always stand between us..

By the way, there have been some really intriguing events which one might call as wonderful coincidences. But i don't belive in words like 'coincidence' and 'by chance'. Nothing happens by chance, there is always a reason for everything. I really do belive it and also in the sayin that 'A blind God is not destiny's Architect'. Maybe not today, but someday we'll definitely find out the reason behind the occurence of everything. Its just a game, to wait and watch.

Hmmm...and on a completely different note, i would like to give some people a piece of my mind. I wish to tell them : Kindly refrain yourselves from calling me words like 'dear','sweetheart' etc in public or private whatever. This restriction however does not hold good if you happen to be my boyfriend. But since I'm happily single as of now, this applies to everybody.. aaargghh.. i don't understand it.. why why whyy do u want to creep me out??? ok occasionally use of such words (in rare situations) i can understand that but scrapping me ''hello sweetheart?'' I'm sorry I'm so NOT your darling or any body's sweetheart for that matter.. so beat it, ok? Gawd what impression are you trying to make? Its not appreciated. Really. Its not normal. And I have a name, by the way. I would prefer if u would use it, thank you very much.

Friends n Foes

Note: Some ppl might find this post nonsensical. So dont say i dint warn thee.


Once upon a time, there lived a Boy. He was like the usual fairy-tale hero..charming, gudlookin, intelligent, witty, sweet, smart..the works. However, since this is not a fairy tale..things arent perfect here. the Boy had a huuuuge crush on this Girl in his college. So whenever she was around with her friends (her 'gang' so to say) there were alwaz the special glances etc in that direction. These glances n smiles however were not noticed by the Girl, but were instead noticed by her Friend. Girl's friend now had a huuuge crush on this Boy.

Gradually, as the Girl n Boy had similar interests n stuff..one thing led to another and they started talking n became gud friends.The difference between the Boy's crush n the girl's friend's crush was that the Friend's crush was a secret but the Boy's story had leaked out in his branch n many knew bout this.. whenever the Girl n boy were seen talkin to each other..ther were many people smirking..waving..hooting.. people just randomly called out Boy's name n disappeared..poor Boy used to be totally embarrassed n the girl would be amused, thinkin this was a side-effect of being popular :P

When the Girl heard bout her friend's crush she was very happy for her friend n swore to help her in every which way.. he was a college stud after all.. n her friend was so damn pretty ..awwww... they both wud make an awesome 'item' together. Girl introduced her friend n Boy and now all three of them were gud friends..all was well :)

Now no story is complete without meddlers is it? The Boy was betrayed by a close friend who went n told the Girl everything. Girl took it lightly n laughed at the meddlers face sayin "Me n him? not possible..please dont try any cupid-giri here." Without understanding the seriousness of the situation the Girl went ahead n told her friend about the Boy's crush. Her friend reaction was quite neutral n she too laughed it off. Girl thot thats the end of the so-called 'love story'..

Next day when she went to college,walked up to her friend n waved to her ..her friend dint wave back..she just stood there looking at the girl with a weird expression..one wich said - "Of all girls in the universe..y did it hav to b YOU, my friend?" uh-oh..it was then that the girl realized what cud happen now..

She tried to cut-off all ties from the boy n started avoiding him a little.. the Boy was naturally confused n heart broken.. Girl cudnt possibly tell him bout her friend could she?... and cmon it wasnt like the Girl stopped recognizin him.. wen he smiled at her, she smiled back, dint she?

Then one day, after just two semesters of college..the girl found out that the Boy had cleared JEEs once again n was goin to another college..another city..sumwher very very far..

All the time spent..all the fun..all the teasing..everything flashed in front of her n she realized..inspite of everything else she dint do right to him..atleast he deserved an explanation.. she hopes that some day he might come to kno of wat actually happened and forgive her for choosing her friend over him. and that.. wenever she thinks of her first year in college..he will alwaz come to her mind n the first thing that hit her when she herd he was leavin was that..
She'll miss him.